Taken with instagram
I wish I’d had someone take photos of what my belly looked like through this whole process. This is today’s Cancer Belly.
It’s hard to see but on either side of my belly button are two ovalish scars, those are from the scopes they had to put in during surgery. The black square in the center is the foam of the wound vac. The vertical line just below it (and above my belly button) is the beginning of the scar from the incision. When they first put in the wound vac… it was 9cm long and the taped section and foam covered all the way to (and over) my belly button.
My stomach used to be smooth and round, stretch marked, but scarless. Now, I have almost no stretch marks, a ridge where my weight loss has happened a bit unevenly, and the last remaining square of wound-vac… plus so many little scars and areas where my skin is irritated from the wound-vac tape.
This is my body now. For now. In another week… this will look completely different again. Every day, it’s a little bit different and I have to readjust… relearn, re-love what is in front of me.
It’s not easy. It’s not automatic. But I do it. I try to love what I see in the mirror. Because I won’t be able to do this if I can’t.
It will be better when the wound vac is gone (hopefully this week). I can’t believe how small it is now.
How far I’ve come. How far there is still to go.
This is my body for now. And today I learn to love it all over again. And tomorrow… I will relearn how to love it. And the next day, and the next. And eventually this will all be over and I will learn to love my Cancer-free body in whatever shape or size it may be.
But for today, I learn to love this. Because this is what I have. Because for today, this is me.
If I can do this, so can you. To anyone who struggles with what they see in the mirror… you CAN love what’s there. You can. I know you can. Because every day I get up and I look at the changes that have happened— without my permission, without my effort, without my desire… and I learn, every. single. day. to re-love the body that stares back at me.
You can LOVE your body. I believe in you.
This is Sarah! You can read more about her story here and donate to help get her through the next few months!
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